My time? I wish.

You know they say when you have kids your priorites change? Well I knew that was true but I was still surprised this weekend. On Saturday, I went with the family to do some sledding. It was probably 60 degrees with lots of sun. There was not a lot of snow, but at the sledding slope, they had manmade snow. We had a lot of fun. ON our last run down, Matthew and I flipped off the tube and I landed on him, sliding down the hill about 15 feet. He scraped up his back a bit and told me he never wanted to go tubing again, until he was a grown up.
The next day we had about 4 inches of fresh snow by noon. He was in the backyard sledding nonstop. When the other kids or adults would come in to warm up, he was still out there. I decided I would go snowboarding for the afternoon before heading home. I put the chains on the car, loaded the board, dressed all up and then went to the backyard to get my goggles from Matthew who was having fun wearing them while he was sledding.
He had finally stepped inside and was taking his clothes off. "Daddy, are going to go sledding with me now?"
"No, I was . . ."
"Please, Daddy. You haven't gone sledding with me yet today."
"Ummm," And then I saw that look in his eyes. The one that usually is followed by him saying I am the best Daddy he has ever had (a statement with its own weird connotation). "Okay, let's go sledding."
So I didn't get to the slopes all weekend. Instead I went sledding on a small hill at the house we were staying at. Afterwards, I had hot cocoa with him and then loaded up the car.
Had to use chains all the way back down the mountain, but we got home safe. Maybe next year.

LAF

I remember many years when I was young I would see cars driving around with a cardboard placeholder in the rear license plate spot of the car with the capital letters L.A.F. I think at the time there was a lot of conflict in the Middle East and I heard the acronym PLO a lot. I spent many days trying to figure out what LAF was an acronym for. I finally concluded that all these drivers must be showing their allegiance for Palestine in the form of the Liberation Arab Front. Although it never occurred to me that we were living in a small town in Wisconsin and my view of the international world was probably already much greater than most of these drivers. So assumed there was a lot of support for the war against Israel in this small town, either that or these people were just laughing at us.

Miscarriage

The doctor pressed the end of the ultrasound against my wife’s stomach and looked for the small creature that was to be our second child. The buddy, playmate to Matthew. The younger brother that would learn the lessons and joys of life from his older brother Matthew. The baby that would make the pair of children we wanted. We had already suffered through two miscarriages and my wife was afraid to have this ultrasound. As though being so arrogant as to have an ultrasound and peak in on the development of a child could hex it.

For several minutes I watched the gray, grainy screen as the doctor swept the ultrasound back and forth and pushed down harder on the belly. My wife reached out her hand and grabbed mine. Fear was rising in the room. I strained my eyes to see that “peanut” of an embryo on the screen. But we couldn’t see anything. I don’t know if that was good or bad, because at least this way we could pretend there was hope.

The doctor switched to the vaginal ultasound probe and again searched for our unborn child. On the screen I could see the baby this time. My heart lifted a bit as I identified the head and body. But the heartbeat we were looking for was not seen. I realized I was holding my breath and I was squeezing my wife’s hand. How was she going to deal with this? I knew not well, but more importantly, how was I going to deal with this to help her?

The doctor said matter-of-factly, “it doesn’t appear to be a viable pregnancy.” I was angry with him for that phrase. A viable pregnancy? Why not just say that it was a miscarriage or that the embryo had aborted. But I guess at his age he had seen enough of these that emotion did not play a role. Maybe it was his way of getting through the day.

He went on to discuss that the heartbeat wasn’t visible and the little computer measurements said the embryo was only 7.5 weeks old when it should have been 10 weeks. He was cold and calculating about his discussion with not a hint of emotion in his voice. My wife was crying now, but he continued on. He told my wife to get blood hormone tests and have a second ultrasound. But I think we all knew that this was just to appease my wife and that the results would not change. They ultimately did not change.

We, I say we, lost the baby. It was probably a missed program cycle in the development of the embryo, but I know that doesn’t make my wife feel better. It was nothing she or I had done wrong, it was what was supposed to happen. So in a few months we can try again, but in the meantime, we need to get over the fact that our child died before Matthew had a chance to play with him.

Anywhere but here

Well I have been a bit behind in writing for you guys, and I will be skiing this weekend, so I better write something soon. A little feedback from Bro. He says he wouldn't mind being stranded on an island with either me or Todd, but he has no idea who these people named Andrew or Rob are. As far as Rob's movie selections go, I have to say the porn idea is insightful (or is that inciteful). I guess if I was stranded alone on an island, I might as well have some porn too. I'm trolling a bit for topics for this week and as I sit here late tonight and consider the fact that this will be a late night at work, the topic of my list today is going to be:

The Five Places in the World I Would Rather Be Than Here at Work

The added advantage of this topic is that we can't get any comments back from Michael.

1) In Australia (or nearby islands) driving a real Mini. You wouldn't understand, oh crap, that's right Michael would. When I was in England about 7 years ago, I tried to rent an old Mini and I was just laughed at, now whose laughing? Huh? Oh.

2) In the Cinque Terra of Italy eating muscles and drinking Chianti (mmm, muscles). This was a beautiful location and the food was incredible.

3) Alaska - I have always wanted to hike through Denali National Park and see the wilderness unadulterated.

4) Isreal - They have wine, food and a know a lot of friends that would be able to show me the country. I've always found it fun to see a different culture and that is pretty different from my culture.

5) At home with my son, Matthew. That may seem a bit strange considering he is only a year old and can barely interact with me, but there is nothing in the world like rolling around on the floor with a one-year-old. The laughing and giggling will make you forget all those hours you just spent at work.

Note, I didn't include sunny Southern California because, well because I already am there.
I also didn't include and interstellar locations. If I could have, I would have loved to visit Mars in search of life. If we find life there, it brings up a lot questions. First is where did it come from? Are we descendants of life from Mars or vice-versa. And second, what is the form of the life? Is there protein structure and DNA structure the same or similar to ours? If so, does that mean we are related or is it possible that we are not at all related and this is the best method for life. It also raises that big third question, if there is life and it is similar to ours, is there something or someone controlling life's destiny? I know, a bit theoligical for a workday list like this, but I felt the list was a bit lacking so I wanted to throw this out there too.

Top movies

I think last week's list of the top five albums of all time went quite swimingly. I've been reading Douglas Adams and I can't seem to get this English nonsense out of my language. This week I am going to impart on you, my readers/ friends, my top five movie list of all time. Once again, new movies don't count as they have not reached legacy status yet. But just as an aside I have to recommend Garden State and Secret Window. Both excellent movies. Ok, my top five movies if I were stranded on a desert island and I had a DVD player, TV and an unlimited supply of electricity, I would want to watch these over and over again.

1) L.A. Story - Steve Martin did for the West Coast what Woody Allen had done for the East Coast. Except I can't stand Woody Allen. When I lived in the Midwest I watched this movie and thought it was a hillarious exaggeration of Southern California, but not that I live here, I can say that it really is a refreshing look at a very strange culture.
Basically I could pick just about any Steve Martin movie (Dead Men Don't Where Plaid, The Jerk, Roxanne) but I think L.A. Story really did it for me. Plus Sarah Jessica Parker sure looked hot in this movie as SanDeE.

2) The Nightmare Before Christmas - Tim Burton's view on holidays and where they come from is incomparable. The songs are great, the story line is hilarious and the characters are wonderful. Plus, Danny Elfman (singer/ songwriter for this as well as many other Burton movies) is from Oingo Boingo. That's gotta get a movie a few extra points.

3) Strange Brew - This movie has it all: beer, hockey, women, beer, music, evil, beer, McKenzie brothers, beer and a flying dog. Seriously, what more could you want in a movie. I don't know why the Academy Awards hasn't bestowed a lifetime award for this movie as the Greatest Movie of All Time. Enough said.

4) The Matrix - "Do you hear that sound Mr. Anderson, that is the sound of inevitability." What a great movie! The first of its kind to have those stunts and in spite of Keannu Reeves performance, a very believable movie. The premise was outstanding. Why didn't I think of something like that? The remaining movies in the series were really only there to milk profits, so this is the only one that counts.

5) Okay, here is where it gets tough. A lot of movies should make the list: Ferris Bueller's Day Off, Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure, The Big Lebowksi, but I am going to have to with 12 Monkeys. This was early Brad Pitt when he wasn't afraid to really act and Bruce Willis in his only good role (angry man). The ending still blows me away even though I have seen it probably a half dozen times in the last two years,

Feel free to comment on this email or at my new blog site http://brianspencer.blogspot.com

Friday Afternoon thoughts

So I know it has been a while since I have stated these thoughts. I still want a prosthetic forehead and a rock to tie a string around, but I want to move to a new subject. Today's topic is my top five CDs of all time. These are the CD's I would take with me if I were stranded on a desert island. My desert island disks if you will. Since these are the top 5 CDs of all time, I will automatically remove any CD that was published in the past two years since that is too little time to reach 'legacy' status. Unfortunately this means I can't vote for Modest Mouse "Good News For People Who Love Bad News" - I highly recommend this album. I also won't vote for Louis XIV "Blue EP" or Evenescence. So enough of this, here is my list in no particular order.

1) The Cure "Disintegration" This is the Cure at their all time greatest, dark and brooding. I can hear any song off this CD at any time. And it includes one of my favorite songs of all time, Picture of You.

2) Nine Inch Nail "Pretty Hate Machine" Trent Reznor blew me away with this CD and I still play it on the iPod all the time.

3) The Police "Synchronicity" For those of you that haven't heard this CD or haven't heard it recently, you should listen to the whole thing. This is the most weird Police or Sting CD you will ever hear. "Is there anybody alive in there, nobody but us in here." and "The telephone is ringing, is that my mother on the phone? The telephone is screaming, why won't she leave me alone?" As well as Message in a Bottle and Little Black Spot on The sun.

4) Jane's Addiction "Nothing Shocking" This was a tough one, because I love all three of their early CDs and I hate to give up Three Days (Ritual de lo Habitual) or Had a Dad (XXX), but for overall greatness, I have to go with Nothing Shocking.

Finally

5) Indigo Girls "Nomads, Indians & Saints" The first time I heard this CD I knew I would love it and I still think it is their best CD.

Now don't flame me for not including TMBG "Flood" or any of your other favorite CDs because the are your favorites.

Next week, I will give you my list of top five movies. Here is a hint, one takes place in Southern California and another takes place in the Great White North.